A Better Way To Ask About Your Child’s Day

You have waited all day to see your child.

You want to know what they learned, who they played with and whether anything happened. So you ask a perfectly reasonable question: “How was school?”

The answer? “Fine.” Or perhaps, “Nothing,” “I don’t know,” or a frustrated, “Stop asking me!”

It can feel dismissive, particularly when you are simply trying to connect. But for many children with ADHD, that response is not a sign that they do not want a relationship with you.

They may genuinely be unable to find and organise an answer in that moment.

“How was school?” is actually a very big question. It asks a child to search through an entire day, decide which moments matter, organise those memories and explain how they felt—all while transitioning home.

Many children with ADHD have also spent the school day managing distractions, following routines, navigating friendships, remembering expectations and regulating their reactions. By the time they reach you, their mental energy may be running low.

Home is often where children finally feel safe enough to stop holding everything together. They may need food, quiet, movement or connection without questions before they can talk.

“A HELPFUL REFRAME

“I don’t know” may mean “That question is too big for my brain right now”—not “I don’t want to tell you.””

Try smaller, more specific questions

Specific questions give the brain a smaller place to search. You could try:

• “What made you laugh today?” This invites a concrete memory without asking for a complete summary.

• “What felt difficult today?” This gives your child permission to share a challenge without needing to describe the whole day.

• “When did you feel most comfortable?” This can reveal the people, places or activities that help your child feel safe and regulated.

• “What do you wish had gone differently?” This opens the door to problem-solving, but only if your child wants it.

• “Do you want to talk now or later?” Offering a choice respects your child’s need to decompress while reassuring them that you are available.

Connection does not always begin with conversation

Sometimes children talk more easily when attention is not focused directly on them. Try chatting while driving, preparing a snack, walking the dog, drawing or doing another side-by-side activity.

You can also begin by sharing something small from your own day. This models conversation without placing your child under pressure to perform.

Try this after school

• Pause before questioning. Allow your child time to arrive, eat and regulate.

• Ask one question—not five. Give them time to process and answer.

• Accept a short response. Connection grows when children know they will not be interrogated.

• Listen before fixing. Ask, “Would you like help, or do you just want me to listen?”

“REMEMBER

The goal is not to extract information. The goal is to create a safe opening for connection.”

Your child may not tell you about their day the moment they walk through the door. They might share it at bedtime, in the car or two days later when something reminds them.

By asking smaller questions and reducing the pressure to answer immediately, you show them something important: “I am interested in your world, and I will be here when you are ready.”